Love

As beautifully stated by Elder Wirthlin:

"The Lord compensates the faithful for every loss. That which is taken away from those who love the Lord will be added unto them in His own way. While it may not come at the time we desire, the faithful will know that every tear today will eventually be returned a hundredfold with tears of rejoicing and gratitude."

What cha Doin'?

Still need a camera. But I did finally figure out how to post pictures from my phone. These pictures range from winter 2011 to today.

Short hike up Provo Canyon, the lake is completely frozen, kids were running across it and fishermen are ice fishing in the background. I refused to let my kiddos run across the lake-though Sarie really wanted to. I'm not that brave... I was also 6-7 months pregnant at the time.

James in the NICU. He is in a warming unit with full oxygen. We received his medical bill. Never has $37 K been so worth it! I'm also grateful for good insurance.

The day James came home.

Mikey holding his brother for the first time.

James sporting his amazing oxygen. One morning he woke up, tore the oxygen off and refused to take it back-we monitored him for 10 days off oxygen (oxygen monitor still on his foot though.) And thankfully his oxygen levels never dipped down too badly. A couple of nights we had to put it back on and swaddle his arms down but otherwise he has done great!

Easter egg decorating. It's a huge tradition with my family. Rew not so much. For the first 4 years we were married I dyed all the eggs. But now the kiddos are old enough to join it, it is a blast! Rew helped too.

Rew and I both make an "Earth Egg" without realizing that we both made one, until we turned to each other and said, "Hey, check out my earth egg." Mine is on the left. Rew's on the right.

Sarie loved it!

No oxygen! woot!

The annual Rosenvall Easter egg Hunt. Easter Egg hunts- is a huge Rosenvall Family tradition. Each family brings some plastic eggs with candy and the daddy's go outside and hide them.

Meanwhile inside the house, Grandma and Grandpa have already hidden Easter Egg Baskets. They are hidden in difficulty according to the ages of the grandchildren. The first year I was married the basket for Rew and I was hidden in the attic, behind several boxes and up in the rafters! According to Rew his dad once hid an Easter Basket inside the swamp cooler. This year our family basket was in the closet-easy enough for Sarie and Michael to find.

A few weeks ago the kiddos and I made "treat buckets". I used 2 old ice cream buckets and turned them into treat buckets for the kids. -The kiddos decorated them with stickers.

They are filled with small bowls (maybe 1/2 cup-1 cup each) with goldfish crackers, cherrios, granola bars, popcorn, dried fruit, 1 fruit snack. I also took the Easter candy and I have been putting in 3 pieces of candy a week. I've been letting the kiddos pick one or two 'treats' from the treat bucket during snack time. I only fill the bucket once a week and I love it. It has really cut down time on trying to pull out things from the cupboard then having to put it back. The kiddos love it too.

As a thank you to the families that brought in dinners to us while I was in the hospital I made root beer suckers and chocolate dipped strawberries. (Yes, it sounds like diabetes heaven in my house... Easter treats and now these treats... )

Finished suckers. They really are fun to make.

Chocolate teddy bears (you cannot tell, but they are filled with walnuts)

Chocolate frogs filled with toffee bits (this picture is blurry, but they have cute little smiles and eyes.)

Strawberries. Everything has now been delivered and hopefully enjoyed...

James today. 14.3 pounds. He is a chunk, already his feet extend past the edge of the bouncer. I've had to adjust the straps in his carseat twice.

I will be going back to work for 5 weeks. Get my students through CRT's and then after that I'll be staying at home. My friend Karena will be watching my kiddos while I finish the year.

Rew loves his job at Wencor Aerospace Engineering.

A change of Pace

I really wish I owned a camera. Suggestions on good cameras to purchase? Hopefully not too expensive, but easy to use and transfer to a computer?

I never thought that I would teach. My plan was to go to college, earn a degree and be a stay at home mom. But, when I graduated without children that plan had to be tweaked, and then modified so on so on...

When my friend Kassi told me that she could see me teaching, I thought that idea was crazy. (sorry Kassi-you were right). Or when Sharon told me that I would never be away from teaching for long-again, she was right too. I didn't think that I actually had it in my personality.

On to what's happening this week...

Well, after landing myself in ER for respiratory problems, luckily no blood clots. It seems that I may have developed asthma. Dr. Lamoreaux checked my stitches, looks like they are healing well. They will be treating any subsequent pregnancies I may have as high risk-because I delivered pre term. Dr said if I ever wanted to be checked (while pregnant) that they will see me immediately.

I am cleared to go back to work April 25th. My students are extremely excited. I visited my classroom today-it is a complete wreck! Things are scattered everywhere, epp! But, that usually happens right before a Science Olympiad competition-so I'm not too worried. My long term sub apparently teaches just like I do. She is a theatre major with a minor in Science.

My kiddos will be watched by my friend Karena while I finish out the school year.

I've been receiving comments from parents such as: "My student will be horribly disappointed if you don't return next year." "My child is taking your class-so you better be teaching." "I'm signing Alex up for Science Olympiad-be here to teach it." (These are actual comments.)

Yikes. I am quitting.

Andrew found a job. He is working at Wencor Aerospace Engineering and so far is loving the work. He is a quality inspector engineer.

I've worked the last three years. The years that I didn't teach-when August hit and the schools started to get busy I cried and sobbed that I wasn't there. I'm planning on buying myself a box of freshly sharpened pencils in August. I received my level 2 license and intend to keep it up to date/renewed. I also will probably return to teaching when my youngest is in school. (Never thought I'd say that!)

I am going to be staying home with the kids. So far it's been fun and left me with the desire to home school my children. I haven't decided if I will yet, I'll see how the summer goes.

Miracles

I believe in miracles. Let me explain why?

Andrew and I were sealed in the Mount Timpanogos Temple on a bright sunny day, July 29, 2005. I couldn't have been happier seeing my fiancé bouncing down the stairs to greet me when I arrived at the temple. I waited excited and nervous for my turn to be sealed to my eternal companion for time and eternity. We were sealed, and I had to say yes twice, because the first time I was too quiet for anyone to hear besides Andrew. We stepped out of the doors of the temple a new fresh couple, happy and blissful with no clue as to what awaited our futures. We had been sealed maybe an hour when in a brief very quiet moment sitting with my husband the spirit very distinctly spoke into my ear and said,"you will adopt your children." At first I turned to my spouse and asked him if he said something. "No," he replied and stared at me quizzically. Again the prompting came, quiet but clear as if a voice speaking. "you will adopt." Andrew and I went about the day and the hectic night of receptions and greeting friends and family. Finally that night alone with my spouse I related to him what I had experienced. His response, "I heard the same thing."

We had no idea that anything was wrong, no idea prior to marriage that we would struggle having children. I quickly learned that fertility specialists will not see you until you have tried to have children for at least a year. 1 year after being married and I was at the doctor. They tested everything, I recorded everything. They sent for more tests, they told me to just calm down and quit. Eventually we went to a specialist-whom it took six months to even have an initial appointment. He told us, "Right now, under the current circumstances you cannot have children." I asked, "Do we have any chance at all, 5%? Anything?" His response, "No. I suggest that you adopt your children."

I was heartbroken. In my mind I decided that the doctor had to be wrong. I told most people that the doctor just gave us a 2% chance because saying 0% was too difficult for me to accept. Plus, I felt very strongly that I had at least one child to deliver-a son I was to name James. But the pain of 2.5 years was short lived. We had that same week we went the fertility specalist been offered the adoption of a little girl- we were told about this girl through my cousin Julie, whom we had told nothing about us seeing doctors. In fact, we had told no one about us going to doctors, not even my mother, who I would tell first.

We prayed about the little girl, and although nervous and terrified to adopt we did feel that we had a choice to adopt her or not. We decided to adopt her and Sarah-Ruby came into our home.

On the day she was adopted my husband and I were in California awaiting our flight back to Utah when my cellphone rang. Upon answering I was greeted with this question, "Mrs. Rosenvall, I understand that you are adopting a child. She has a half brother here in Utah, would you like to adopt him?" I answered yes, hung up the phone and informed Andrew that we were now the parents to 2 children. Michael would end up coming into our home 1 year later.

Due to circumstances surrounding Michael, he trusted Andrew at home better than I and so, I went to work and in the process supported Andrew as he finished his bachelors degree.

Our family was coming together, but we still felt the gap of missing children.

On July 18, 2011 Andrew and I with the kids were sitting at the table eating dinner. I noticed that Sarah was acting very sad. "Sarah darling, what's wrong?" I asked. "Mom, we forgot to pick up my brother and sister from the grocery store." I very gently explained that mom and dad needed to save up for adoption and that we would try to get a brother and sister as soon as we could.

She brought me her piggy bank. "Is this enough to buy my brother and sister?"

That night, I cried myself to sleep. July 19, 2012, Sarah woke up bouncing off the walls with excitement, "Get ready Mommy!" she shouted, "You are going to have a little brother that looks like daddy, and a little sister that looks like me!"

I found this statement very sweet and after excusing myself, I again cried over what she said.

I found out I was pregnant July, 26. I turned to Andrew and said, "Its a boy that looks like you, Sarah told us." and she was right.

I called our kiddos birth family to inquire if they knew where our kids birth mother was-they didn't know. One month later she was arrested and booked into prison-pregnant with a little girl.

I was due March 23. Birth mom was due April 4.

My little boy came 4 weeks early and I adore being able to cuddle and hold the little miracle doctors said I would never have. I also love hugging my two other older miracles who told me what was going to come.

The birth mother choose a different couple through LDS family services to adopt the little girl, my children's sister. I am happy for that other couple, I know how hard it is to go through infertility and being told you would never have a baby, I am happy for them. I also feel in a way that I was expecting twins, but my little girl didn't make it. I know that if the Lord wanted that baby girl with us then it would have happened. But for now I will hold my children close and mourn a little for my baby girl.

Andrew and I both know that there is one more baby we are supposed to adopt. When and where we find this missing little one only the Lord knows. Will I ever be able to deliver another? For now, I don't know-ask my daughter Sarah-Ruby or maybe my sons Michael or James.

Believe in miracles.

Baby Girl

Sometime in the last few weeks, or maybe not yet-a precious little girl was born.

She will have dark brown hair, big brown eyes and probably weight somewhere around 5-7 lbs at birth. She will be half cuban and in some ways look similar to my Sarah-Ruby.

Somewhere a couple is happily adoring their new baby. Her brother, with bright red hair getting used to his new sister.

LDS Family Services decided to go for their adoption family. They have also decided that they will not tell the other couple that we even exist. It would be better for the other couple to live in happy uninformed bliss.

The Lord allows us our agency. Most would say "If the Lord wanted her in your home, she would be." and though I slightly agree- the Lord allows us our agency. He told us in his power to prepare for her, and we did everything in our power to do so. But I can also see the Lord watching the choice that birth mom picked, and hurting in His heart-as I am hurting in mine.

My children will know they have a sister. She will not have a name or a face-since we'll probably never see one, unless she seeks us when she's 18.

For me, I have to treat this as a death. My little girl died and I never was able to see her. Whisked away quickly, my child who I will never know, can't hold a funeral for, I don't even know her proper birthday.