Baby Girl

Sometime in the last few weeks, or maybe not yet-a precious little girl was born.

She will have dark brown hair, big brown eyes and probably weight somewhere around 5-7 lbs at birth. She will be half cuban and in some ways look similar to my Sarah-Ruby.

Somewhere a couple is happily adoring their new baby. Her brother, with bright red hair getting used to his new sister.

LDS Family Services decided to go for their adoption family. They have also decided that they will not tell the other couple that we even exist. It would be better for the other couple to live in happy uninformed bliss.

The Lord allows us our agency. Most would say "If the Lord wanted her in your home, she would be." and though I slightly agree- the Lord allows us our agency. He told us in his power to prepare for her, and we did everything in our power to do so. But I can also see the Lord watching the choice that birth mom picked, and hurting in His heart-as I am hurting in mine.

My children will know they have a sister. She will not have a name or a face-since we'll probably never see one, unless she seeks us when she's 18.

For me, I have to treat this as a death. My little girl died and I never was able to see her. Whisked away quickly, my child who I will never know, can't hold a funeral for, I don't even know her proper birthday.