Darling Little Ones

In 2011, my daughter Sarah-Ruby came to me one evening and said, "Mommy, get ready you are going to have a little brother that looks like Daddy and a sister that looks like me." I've shared this before-but I left out the last part, because of uncertainty.

I called our birth mom's family (from whom we adopted Sarah and Michael) and they didn't know where Birth Mom (BM) was. Two weeks later I found out I was pregnant. 4 months later the birth family called back, BM was in prison and pregnant.

BM invited us to visit her in prison and we did with the kids. I didn't share with her that I was expecting because it didn't seem right.

Sarah-Ruby remained adamant that she was getting a sister. BM was expecting a girl. I was expecting James.

We discovered that BM choose another family to adopt the little girl and in March 2012--Caitlin was placed into a loving couples arms whom we are not allowed to contact. We don't even truly know her birthday. Also, I have never seen a picture of Caitlin, but I know without a doubt that she looks like my daughter. And Sarah-Ruby still insists that her sister should be in our home.

I have heard people say, "If the Lord wishes it, then it will happen." But I disagree with this statement. The Lord allows people their agency and allows them to choose what they will do with their lives. He told Sarah-Ruby about her sister and told Andrew and I to get ready which we did. But the Lord did not interfere with BM's agency when she choose another couple.

I hope that someday, we will be able to meet this couple, so that my little Sarie will have a chance to meet her sister.

I am expecting and due in June-another boy! We received a text tonight that BM is pregnant too, due the same week (or maybe the week before) that I am.

Miracles

I believe in miracles. Let me explain why?

Andrew and I were sealed in the Mount Timpanogos Temple on a bright sunny day, July 29, 2005. I couldn't have been happier seeing my fiancé bouncing down the stairs to greet me when I arrived at the temple. I waited excited and nervous for my turn to be sealed to my eternal companion for time and eternity. We were sealed, and I had to say yes twice, because the first time I was too quiet for anyone to hear besides Andrew. We stepped out of the doors of the temple a new fresh couple, happy and blissful with no clue as to what awaited our futures. We had been sealed maybe an hour when in a brief very quiet moment sitting with my husband the spirit very distinctly spoke into my ear and said,"you will adopt your children." At first I turned to my spouse and asked him if he said something. "No," he replied and stared at me quizzically. Again the prompting came, quiet but clear as if a voice speaking. "you will adopt." Andrew and I went about the day and the hectic night of receptions and greeting friends and family. Finally that night alone with my spouse I related to him what I had experienced. His response, "I heard the same thing."

We had no idea that anything was wrong, no idea prior to marriage that we would struggle having children. I quickly learned that fertility specialists will not see you until you have tried to have children for at least a year. 1 year after being married and I was at the doctor. They tested everything, I recorded everything. They sent for more tests, they told me to just calm down and quit. Eventually we went to a specialist-whom it took six months to even have an initial appointment. He told us, "Right now, under the current circumstances you cannot have children." I asked, "Do we have any chance at all, 5%? Anything?" His response, "No. I suggest that you adopt your children."

I was heartbroken. In my mind I decided that the doctor had to be wrong. I told most people that the doctor just gave us a 2% chance because saying 0% was too difficult for me to accept. Plus, I felt very strongly that I had at least one child to deliver-a son I was to name James. But the pain of 2.5 years was short lived. We had that same week we went the fertility specalist been offered the adoption of a little girl- we were told about this girl through my cousin Julie, whom we had told nothing about us seeing doctors. In fact, we had told no one about us going to doctors, not even my mother, who I would tell first.

We prayed about the little girl, and although nervous and terrified to adopt we did feel that we had a choice to adopt her or not. We decided to adopt her and Sarah-Ruby came into our home.

On the day she was adopted my husband and I were in California awaiting our flight back to Utah when my cellphone rang. Upon answering I was greeted with this question, "Mrs. Rosenvall, I understand that you are adopting a child. She has a half brother here in Utah, would you like to adopt him?" I answered yes, hung up the phone and informed Andrew that we were now the parents to 2 children. Michael would end up coming into our home 1 year later.

Due to circumstances surrounding Michael, he trusted Andrew at home better than I and so, I went to work and in the process supported Andrew as he finished his bachelors degree.

Our family was coming together, but we still felt the gap of missing children.

On July 18, 2011 Andrew and I with the kids were sitting at the table eating dinner. I noticed that Sarah was acting very sad. "Sarah darling, what's wrong?" I asked. "Mom, we forgot to pick up my brother and sister from the grocery store." I very gently explained that mom and dad needed to save up for adoption and that we would try to get a brother and sister as soon as we could.

She brought me her piggy bank. "Is this enough to buy my brother and sister?"

That night, I cried myself to sleep. July 19, 2012, Sarah woke up bouncing off the walls with excitement, "Get ready Mommy!" she shouted, "You are going to have a little brother that looks like daddy, and a little sister that looks like me!"

I found this statement very sweet and after excusing myself, I again cried over what she said.

I found out I was pregnant July, 26. I turned to Andrew and said, "Its a boy that looks like you, Sarah told us." and she was right.

I called our kiddos birth family to inquire if they knew where our kids birth mother was-they didn't know. One month later she was arrested and booked into prison-pregnant with a little girl.

I was due March 23. Birth mom was due April 4.

My little boy came 4 weeks early and I adore being able to cuddle and hold the little miracle doctors said I would never have. I also love hugging my two other older miracles who told me what was going to come.

The birth mother choose a different couple through LDS family services to adopt the little girl, my children's sister. I am happy for that other couple, I know how hard it is to go through infertility and being told you would never have a baby, I am happy for them. I also feel in a way that I was expecting twins, but my little girl didn't make it. I know that if the Lord wanted that baby girl with us then it would have happened. But for now I will hold my children close and mourn a little for my baby girl.

Andrew and I both know that there is one more baby we are supposed to adopt. When and where we find this missing little one only the Lord knows. Will I ever be able to deliver another? For now, I don't know-ask my daughter Sarah-Ruby or maybe my sons Michael or James.

Believe in miracles.