TBRI

I've been taking an interesting class. It's a parenting course called TBRI or attachment-based, trauma-informed intervention that is designed to meet the complex needs of vulnerable children.

Basically it teaches you or gives you ideas for how to better raise a child how has experienced neglect, trauma--such as exposure to drugs/alcohol/teragens. 


It explains various ways of parenting, how to create secure attachments with yourself and others/your kids. It also sorta turns parenting on it's head so to speak. Most parenting has more correcting than connecting. TBRI wants more connecting than correcting. I actually like the class. Though, it definitely brings to light places where I want to improve.

Every class starts out with a nurturing group. They want us to incorporate nurturing groups at home and so far... I've been able to do some. Nurture groups start out by going over the rules of the home--we only have 3 rules. Stick together. Stay calm, Have fun.  Then, they teach us a calming strategy. (bowl of soup, magic mustache, draw a box). We 'check our engines'-- are you sad (blue), just right (green) or uptight/distressed (red). We give each other band-aids: Do you have any hurts today? Can I put a band-aid on it? Then we have a trust/feeding activity. Would you like a treat? Here you go. A puppet play activity where you practice phrases like "with respect". You act out puppets not having respect, cheer about it. Then say, let's try again--with respect. The scenario plays out again but with respect and we cheer about it again. That's basically it.

There's lots of data backing up this style of parenting which I appreciate. After the nurturing group we study the reasons behind behaviors and discuss how to improve where we can. I just wish I had the immediate funds to try everything with my kids (for example buying a huge box of bandaids, puppets, fidgets and treats...)

Speaking of treats, I'm hungry. I should go eat something.

Alex's Birth Story

I'd been having contractions on/off since Dec 27th. On Dec 31st I had contractions from 1am-2:30am, then again woke up with contractions at 6am. They left and returned at 10am.

At 2:20pm I left for a doctors appointment at my OBGYN's office. They did a short ultrasound and stress test (during which, I had 1 contraction) then I saw the doctor and asked him to strip my membranes. Dr. Ollerton stripped my membranes (around 3:30pm)  and I left the office. I took the stairs down (3 flights) and then hiked to my car which was purposely parked in the furthest parking spot possible.

I texted Andrew. Our baby was measuring at 42 weeks 5 days, estimated to be around 9-10 pounds.

I went to the grocery store to pick up a couple of New Year's Treats - caramel for apples, a green apple Jone's soda, gobstopper valentine hearts, and cheddar sour cream chips. Again, I hiked back to my car-purposely parked at the further spot available at the grocery store.

Andrew texted me back, "So, they should induce you now." My inducement date was set for Jan 7th, and due to size, was going to be a c-section.

I went home to my kids (being babysat by Grandma Rosenvall). I ate 2 cheddar sour cream chips and sat down on the couch. Sharp contractions started immediately. My mother in law (grandma Rosenvall) looked at me and said, "I'm going to plan on being here longer."

I texted Andrew, "What time do you plan to be home from work?"

3 contractions, 5 minutes apart and my mother in law asked, "I think we should call Andrew home." Immediately, I heard the garage door opening-Andrew was already home. (He had a feeling to leave work quickly.)

He came inside, grabbed the maternity bag and we left. We arrived at Mountain Point Medical around 5pm. I was hooked up to monitors, and checked-dilated 5.5+. Contractions continued every 5 mins. Because of strep b, they had to give me antibiotics for an hour. Then, right as my doctor was about to break my water, he was called to an emergency c-section, so... we ended up having to wait until after 8pm.

He warned me that if I didn't get an epidural before breaking my water that it might be too late. I opted to risk it...

He broke my water--which actually took 6 tries-- it was tough.

My contractions immediately increased. About the time I really wanted an epidural, Andrew asked the doctor to check, I was dilated to a 9. Next thing I knew, Dr. Haskett said, "Push on the next contraction." I did and I screamed. Baby Alex was out on only 1 contraction, 3 and a half pushes.

No epidural, no meds. I've always wanted to try that once in my life.

Alex Oliver Rosenvall
9lb, 2 oz
22 inches
9pm
Dec 31st, 2018

Green Light

I have finally been given the green light!

Thank you if you prayed for me.

The perinatologist checked everything one last time, my placenta was able to grow away from my c-section scar. Instead of having me deliver early/induced early like was planned several weeks ago, they are going to allow me to end this pregnancy normally--meaning, I have the green light to go into labor. (Previously they didn't want me having any contractions unless I was in the hospital.)

So... hopefully, I'll have an uneventful delivery.

Also, even though baby Alex is measuring at the 99% (estimated over 8 pounds now...large baby) and development is guessed to be around 38 weeks along. They are not changing my 'due date'. Originally they were going to bump it up and have me induced sometime between Dec 24-31. Now, they will not induce until Jan 7. If I go into a labor naturally though, they won't try to stop it.

For now, we wait for Alex to decide when he comes; meanwhile, I can't walk very well anymore. 

Now what...

P has been interesting. When I tried to teach him to read (when he was four) I assumed that his lack of attention was because he wasn't ready and we moved on to other things.

Luckily, he has a kindergarten teacher who is less willing to give up.

Okay, not at first. He initially tested into first grade math. The first few weeks his teacher wanted to move him back, we chatted and she left him in the class and now he loves it. With P it takes some extra persistence but he does his work. Over Thanksgiving break he requested to finish his homework early and then found other math to do on his own.  He is moving incredibly quickly and I'm just here for the ride!

We did also have S, M & D tested by a child neuropsychologist.

S, just as I thought would happen, tested perfectly average. She's just fine, though does have a bit more anxiety than normal. I wanted her to go mainly because there is a family history of mental illness (her bio-mom and bio-grandma). The problems tend to occur in her bio-family line during teenager years, and I want her to be comfortable seeing a psychologist if the need ever arises. 

D was diagnosed with neurological development disorder, ADHD. His IQ is very low average.

M was also diagnosed with neurological development disorder, ADHD (mostly due in inattention), and borderline mental functioning. His IQ is extremely low/borderline mentally disabled.

S, M & D were all exposed to alcohol and teratogens while in utero; exposure to such substances can have a rather varied impact.

The neuropsychologist referred us to genetic testing for M & D, because of their scores and a few other physical traits which she pointed out. According to her as time moves on M & D's ability to function will be outpaced by their peers; the gap between their understanding and where they should be will widen. (Probably why D is low- but still average IQ, and M is borderline functioning.)

These reports are meant to be a protection for M & D. If they get into trouble(law)-I hope that these reports will show that they need help. Extra support from people around them to function. Just as a blind person may need a sight-seeing dog(or as my friend calls them- an object avoidance dog), or a hearing disabled person needs a hearing aid. My boys need to be surrounded by good people who will not take advantage of them. They, in a way, need someone to be the other half of their brain. (They will most likely forever function as children even if their bodies grow to be adults.)

So while at home, M & D practice life function skills. They learn to cook, pick balanced meals, make their beds, pick up after themselves, we practice hygiene, etc. Because, it just takes them longer to remember how to do it.  Also, I refuse to hold them back. I will forever push them to learn, just with the understanding that it will take longer. 

 

Raising Genius

I finally found a place that is able to diagnose my kidlets. Though this may seem like an unnecessary step to many people, my brain works better when I have information--rather than guessing. Also, in my prayers I felt the answer from the Lord was to get information.

My S, M, and D will be seeing a nueropsychologist later in September.

For now, let me tell you about P.

P has been diagnosed with Autism. (I suspected this.) He struggles sitting down for tasks, has some repetitive behaviors, rigidity of thought (his ideas come first in his mind), etc.

Luckily, he has the lowest form of Autism, the extremely mild level 1. Meaning hopefully with some help, he'll be able to work through things and do great.

Now for the other things. He has a visual- spatial IQ of 138. (Adult genius is 140). The psychologist wants P to take the IQ test meant for adolescents (he actually wants him to take the High School exam, but P needs to read in order to do that).   

What does that mean?

Well, from what I've read so far... "Most school rely on an auditory-sequential repetitive style of learning/teaching. Repetition for the V-S learner is unnecessary, which is why traditional school fails them. Once a V-S learner has mastered a subject (generally quickly) the learning is permanent."

P doesn't like to sit in his chair because he's bored.
P doesn't like the learning games online because more of them repeat too much when he has already mastered the subject/task.

He needs lots of pictures, colors, things he can play with in his hands, etc.

I'm in for an interesting week.

Pictures at Camera Shy

5 months 25 days

Today baby Clara is 5 months, 25 days old. She babbles, giggles and laughs frequently. Loves to eat rice cereal, carrots, bananas, mommy milk and pears. She's starting to sit up, attempting to roll over and in general doing all things that a baby should do.

About two years ago, a had another baby reach 5 months, 25 days old. That was June 24th, 2016. It was just before 6 am. But my baby did not reach 5 months and 26 days. Lily passed away just after 6 am.

I'm attempting to restrain the flood of panic I'm having. But I really just want to buy a huge box of See's chocolates and hide.

Facebook just reminded me that 2 years ago today we celebrated Lily's 1 month birthday. It was the only birthday we were able to celebrate. I had planned to celebrate her 6 month birthday, but instead we had a funeral. 

In a couple of days I turn 33, assuming I live to be 100 I have lived appox. 1/3 of my life. Only 66 years until I see Lily again. 66 years isn't long.