Now what...

P has been interesting. When I tried to teach him to read (when he was four) I assumed that his lack of attention was because he wasn't ready and we moved on to other things.

Luckily, he has a kindergarten teacher who is less willing to give up.

Okay, not at first. He initially tested into first grade math. The first few weeks his teacher wanted to move him back, we chatted and she left him in the class and now he loves it. With P it takes some extra persistence but he does his work. Over Thanksgiving break he requested to finish his homework early and then found other math to do on his own.  He is moving incredibly quickly and I'm just here for the ride!

We did also have S, M & D tested by a child neuropsychologist.

S, just as I thought would happen, tested perfectly average. She's just fine, though does have a bit more anxiety than normal. I wanted her to go mainly because there is a family history of mental illness (her bio-mom and bio-grandma). The problems tend to occur in her bio-family line during teenager years, and I want her to be comfortable seeing a psychologist if the need ever arises. 

D was diagnosed with neurological development disorder, ADHD. His IQ is very low average.

M was also diagnosed with neurological development disorder, ADHD (mostly due in inattention), and borderline mental functioning. His IQ is extremely low/borderline mentally disabled.

S, M & D were all exposed to alcohol and teratogens while in utero; exposure to such substances can have a rather varied impact.

The neuropsychologist referred us to genetic testing for M & D, because of their scores and a few other physical traits which she pointed out. According to her as time moves on M & D's ability to function will be outpaced by their peers; the gap between their understanding and where they should be will widen. (Probably why D is low- but still average IQ, and M is borderline functioning.)

These reports are meant to be a protection for M & D. If they get into trouble(law)-I hope that these reports will show that they need help. Extra support from people around them to function. Just as a blind person may need a sight-seeing dog(or as my friend calls them- an object avoidance dog), or a hearing disabled person needs a hearing aid. My boys need to be surrounded by good people who will not take advantage of them. They, in a way, need someone to be the other half of their brain. (They will most likely forever function as children even if their bodies grow to be adults.)

So while at home, M & D practice life function skills. They learn to cook, pick balanced meals, make their beds, pick up after themselves, we practice hygiene, etc. Because, it just takes them longer to remember how to do it.  Also, I refuse to hold them back. I will forever push them to learn, just with the understanding that it will take longer. 

 

Raising Genius

I finally found a place that is able to diagnose my kidlets. Though this may seem like an unnecessary step to many people, my brain works better when I have information--rather than guessing. Also, in my prayers I felt the answer from the Lord was to get information.

My S, M, and D will be seeing a nueropsychologist later in September.

For now, let me tell you about P.

P has been diagnosed with Autism. (I suspected this.) He struggles sitting down for tasks, has some repetitive behaviors, rigidity of thought (his ideas come first in his mind), etc.

Luckily, he has the lowest form of Autism, the extremely mild level 1. Meaning hopefully with some help, he'll be able to work through things and do great.

Now for the other things. He has a visual- spatial IQ of 138. (Adult genius is 140). The psychologist wants P to take the IQ test meant for adolescents (he actually wants him to take the High School exam, but P needs to read in order to do that).   

What does that mean?

Well, from what I've read so far... "Most school rely on an auditory-sequential repetitive style of learning/teaching. Repetition for the V-S learner is unnecessary, which is why traditional school fails them. Once a V-S learner has mastered a subject (generally quickly) the learning is permanent."

P doesn't like to sit in his chair because he's bored.
P doesn't like the learning games online because more of them repeat too much when he has already mastered the subject/task.

He needs lots of pictures, colors, things he can play with in his hands, etc.

I'm in for an interesting week.

Pictures at Camera Shy

5 months 25 days

Today baby Clara is 5 months, 25 days old. She babbles, giggles and laughs frequently. Loves to eat rice cereal, carrots, bananas, mommy milk and pears. She's starting to sit up, attempting to roll over and in general doing all things that a baby should do.

About two years ago, a had another baby reach 5 months, 25 days old. That was June 24th, 2016. It was just before 6 am. But my baby did not reach 5 months and 26 days. Lily passed away just after 6 am.

I'm attempting to restrain the flood of panic I'm having. But I really just want to buy a huge box of See's chocolates and hide.

Facebook just reminded me that 2 years ago today we celebrated Lily's 1 month birthday. It was the only birthday we were able to celebrate. I had planned to celebrate her 6 month birthday, but instead we had a funeral. 

In a couple of days I turn 33, assuming I live to be 100 I have lived appox. 1/3 of my life. Only 66 years until I see Lily again. 66 years isn't long.

When do I tell them?

I've been having a hard time.

Growing up I always had a babysitting job. In fact I was scheduled out Tuesday thru Saturday to babysit from the time I was 13. I had permanent weekly appointments with various families. I watched small families with 2-3 small kids. Larger families of 5 or 6. Helped teens with homework, directed chores, regulated play, made things with the kids I babysat, cleaned the house, cooked dinner even. It was easy.

I guess the Lord decided it was too easy for me.

I love my little ones.

I read a book called "Try Differently rather than Harder" it's about FASD, fetal alcohol spectrum disorder.

Now, I've never in my life been one of those people to define what can or cannot be accomplished because of a disability. With my students, the kids I babysat, I always encouraged them to just do their best--and I worked with a wide variety of 'best work'. I feel like I have a developed a whole set of 'good parenting skills'.

In the book there's a chapter about people with FASD describing their brain, and they way they think. Here's some of them:

"My brain feels like Swiss cheese"

"All the wiring is scrambled."

"If someone opened my brain, they'd find a bunch of black holes."

"I have a window in my brain, some days it's closed, other days it's wide open."

The problem I find is that if your child has holes in their brain, when they drop their marbles, you --the parent-- have to pick them up.

Tell me all you want that your child throws temper tantrums, forgets to clean their room, misplaces objects, doesn't do homework. I've been around kids. 'Normal' it is not like this.

What I really want to know is how do I tell them? How do I tell them that the reason they freak out when they can't decide to wear a coat or jacket is because of anxiety caused by brain damage? Or that they aren't stupid, but they will struggle their entire life.

I just received an invitation to the foster care symposium on: FASD: When Good Parenting Skills Don't Work. Yeah... I already knew that...

PTSD

Clara is the same size now as Lily when Lily passed away. (Actually Clara's a little bigger.) It's odd for me to think that Clara is only 4 weeks old and already surpassing her littler (in growth) sister.

Most people comment on how large their kids are when a new baby comes. Instead, Clara is huge comparatively.

Last night was new baby difficult. Staying up until 3am, needing cuddles. I finally fell asleep next to Clara. She wears an Owlet to bed, the Owlet is the only reason I can sleep at all. (Owlet is a heart rate/oxygen monitoring device.)

I awoke with my alarm and turned to see Clara asleep. She looked in sleep like Lily dead. I freaked out. Despite the Owlet's green light gently telling me that everything is okay... I immediately woke my daughter, checked her breathing myself. She giggled softly and went right back to sleep.

Baby Clara

For the past 2.5 weeks I've been getting contractions. But every time they started becoming regular anxiety would start and the contractions would quit! On July 29th (Mine and Andrew's 12th anniversary) my contractions were 5 minutes apart for 2 hours. We got ready for the hospital...then they quit again!

Fast Forward to August 3rd.

Andrew's mom came over to watch the kids. Andrew and I had woken up around 6:15am. Everything we needed was in the car, we drove to the hospital, checked in about 7am and walked up the stairs to labor and delivery. The nurses took me to room 238. A lovely room with a beautiful view of the mountains. My nurse called my OBGYN as I was scheduled for induction.

A few minutes later she came back to inform me that no one from my OBGYN office was scheduled to be at Mountain Point Medical (the hospital) that morning. An oversight on the OBGYN office...aka...oops! Also, the only doctor on call at the other hospital was in the middle of a c-section and wouldn't be able to come for several hours, also, she couldn't start the pitocin because I had a prior c-section. I responded, "Oh, okay we can go out for breakfast then!" The nurse replied, "Yeah, you could go to Kneaders."

I pulled out the camera, asked Andrew to take one last picture of pregnant me. The camera flashed "No room on memory card." For the record, we had transferred everything from the memory card to our computer several days ago and thought that we had wiped the memory card but since after seeing the no room on memory card, we both questioned if we had transferred everything correctly, plus all the pictures on the camera were of Lily.

We left the hospital, my right wrist carrying my hospital bracelets, and drove to Target where we purchased a new memory card for the camera, a few treats (baby meat sticks--weird but I like them.), and baby bottles with a bottle brush.

Then we drove to Kneaders, I requested a breakfast croissant (sausage, egg, cheese), Andrew bought french toast (strawberries, cream) and we also bought 4 fruit tarts.

We drove back to the hospital, much to the relief of our nurse who was worried we wouldn't be back in time. I left 3 of the tarts with the nurses and we went back to our room.

We ate breakfast, enjoyed the sunrise.

A nurse came in to start my IV and blew out my vein on my left hand. The epidural tech came in and started an IV on my right hand. Dr. Bean came in and apologized for the oversight of hospital staff. He said, "It actually would have been better for us to have you come tomorrow." I replied, "We can come tomorrow." (I really wouldn't have minded.) Dr. Bean replied, "No, you already have an IV, and I'm here until you deliver. Everyone at AF hospital has to wait to be induced until your baby is here."

Pitocin started. The nurse suddenly realized that I was strep B  positive, she left to get antibiotics (which you're supposed to have 4 hours before delivery). I was already in transitional labor. The contractions were hard and fast. I grabbed Andrew's hand. The nurse turned down the pitocin but my body was ready to go. The contractions were 2 minutes apart. I asked for an epidural. The contractions were 1 minute apart. The epidural dude arrived and had the epidural in quick. The nurse checked me, I was dialated to 8.5."I think were going to have a baby soon." My nurse said and then quickly ran off and brought back all the doctors tools. As she laid them out on the table the epidural dude shot my line with a concentrated dose as the minor dose hadn't started yet. Dr. Bean dressed in a delivery gown over by the door. "Do you feel the need to push?" he asked. I replied, "No, the epidural is too strong, you'll have to tell me when to push." "Okay. Next contraction then."

I was actually surprised, had I realized that I was that close, I probably would've gone without an epidural...maybe.

Four rounds of pushing, "I see dark hair." - Dr. Bean, and a hardy cry filled the room. I had had the epidural less than 10 minutes. The antibiotic had been in me for 20 minutes. Andrew tells me that the umbilical cord was wrapped loosely around our baby's arm or leg, but he doesn't remember which.

I didn't tear. There were no complications. Dr. Bean said, "No tearing, nothing, why am I here!"

Clara was placed on my chest, she immediately started rooting. I let her nurse for an hour. Another nurse asked if I was okay giving a bottle. "My milk's not in yet! Of course she can have a bottle." ("I like that," the nurse replied, "You're realistic.") Andrew fed Clara a bottle, she downed 35ml and at less than 2 hours old. They hooked her up to a pulse ox, she was slightly purple, but her numbers checked out perfectly. It took awhile to rub all the vernix from her body, she had some leftover in her hair that was washed out the following day.

Clara River Rosenvall
12:40pm (From start of IV to birth was 1 hour 40 minutes)
8 lbs 14 ounces
19 3/4 inches long