When do I tell them?

I've been having a hard time.

Growing up I always had a babysitting job. In fact I was scheduled out Tuesday thru Saturday to babysit from the time I was 13. I had permanent weekly appointments with various families. I watched small families with 2-3 small kids. Larger families of 5 or 6. Helped teens with homework, directed chores, regulated play, made things with the kids I babysat, cleaned the house, cooked dinner even. It was easy.

I guess the Lord decided it was too easy for me.

I love my little ones.

I read a book called "Try Differently rather than Harder" it's about FASD, fetal alcohol spectrum disorder.

Now, I've never in my life been one of those people to define what can or cannot be accomplished because of a disability. With my students, the kids I babysat, I always encouraged them to just do their best--and I worked with a wide variety of 'best work'. I feel like I have a developed a whole set of 'good parenting skills'.

In the book there's a chapter about people with FASD describing their brain, and they way they think. Here's some of them:

"My brain feels like Swiss cheese"

"All the wiring is scrambled."

"If someone opened my brain, they'd find a bunch of black holes."

"I have a window in my brain, some days it's closed, other days it's wide open."

The problem I find is that if your child has holes in their brain, when they drop their marbles, you --the parent-- have to pick them up.

Tell me all you want that your child throws temper tantrums, forgets to clean their room, misplaces objects, doesn't do homework. I've been around kids. 'Normal' it is not like this.

What I really want to know is how do I tell them? How do I tell them that the reason they freak out when they can't decide to wear a coat or jacket is because of anxiety caused by brain damage? Or that they aren't stupid, but they will struggle their entire life.

I just received an invitation to the foster care symposium on: FASD: When Good Parenting Skills Don't Work. Yeah... I already knew that...