1. Run out the door in your pj's after the wandering 2 year old.
2. Pick up 2 year old, run back inside.
3. Put down 2 year old, while attempting to block 10 month old from exiting the house.
4. Call to the 5 year old to please come inside.
5. Realize the other 10 month old is already outside.
6. Run outside again to retrieve the 10 month old.
7. Call to the 5 year old again.
8. Place 10 month old inside, preferably with a toy.
9. Turn around to see other 10 month old outside, and 2 year old running through the door as fast as possible.
10. Chase 2 year old down, clutch to him as he screams and flails arms imitating windmill. Gather as many observers as possible--the more the better, passing cars stopping is a bonus too.
11. Use second and third arm to pick up 10 month old twins, who are both outside.
12. Close door, sigh in relief, tell yourself you are never opening the door again.
13. Hear knock on the door.
14. Contemplate if the next step is optional
15. Open it for 5 year old...
...repeat...
Monday, September 1, 2014
Hospital Bill
This is the bill for reading the test,
that was brought down the hall by a nurse who looked stressed.
that was seen by the tech you paid yesterday,
who got it from the nurse in the hall you paid last week, in the fray,
who conferred with the specialist you saw the week before,
and a separate nurse who provided you treats- "for free," Want more?
Don't forget the one who said you looked great,
though a second opinion shouldn't wait?
Then the other who suggested you get that checked.
Which all started when you asked, Honey, what's that?
that was brought down the hall by a nurse who looked stressed.
that was seen by the tech you paid yesterday,
who got it from the nurse in the hall you paid last week, in the fray,
who conferred with the specialist you saw the week before,
and a separate nurse who provided you treats- "for free," Want more?
Don't forget the one who said you looked great,
though a second opinion shouldn't wait?
Then the other who suggested you get that checked.
Which all started when you asked, Honey, what's that?
A mother wears a towel on her head
Waking up early if I have time,
I hop into the shower to scrub and shine.
Dressed and ready, kids waking from bed,
For my dripping wet hair, I place a towel on my head.
First it's used to wipe morning tears,
to alleviate small baby fears.
Next the tip washes sticky breakfast faces,
and gets into those hard to reach places.
It's ready in case a milk cup gets tipped,
Or when on the walls marker is script.
I know it's silly, but that towel of mine,
is needed when I'm short on mommy time.
It's ready for scrubbing,
and messy cleaning up rubbing.
To play peek-a-boo,
Or look, I see you!
It creates a pillow cushion tent top,
Or makes an emergency mop.
So at the end of the day when I tuck kids into bed.
You know why I still have a towel on my head.
I hop into the shower to scrub and shine.
Dressed and ready, kids waking from bed,
For my dripping wet hair, I place a towel on my head.
First it's used to wipe morning tears,
to alleviate small baby fears.
Next the tip washes sticky breakfast faces,
and gets into those hard to reach places.
It's ready in case a milk cup gets tipped,
Or when on the walls marker is script.
I know it's silly, but that towel of mine,
is needed when I'm short on mommy time.
It's ready for scrubbing,
and messy cleaning up rubbing.
To play peek-a-boo,
Or look, I see you!
It creates a pillow cushion tent top,
Or makes an emergency mop.
So at the end of the day when I tuck kids into bed.
You know why I still have a towel on my head.
Dry Clean Only
My daughter's dress tag reads: dry clean only.
Funny how clothing can be a liar.
Laughing, I put it in the washer and dryer.
It's not that I don't care,
If it was leather I would beware.
But you see my daughter's dresses,
Have been through worse messes.
She's rolled down grassy hills,
Pirated ships with an Iron will.
Played the vicious Steampunk victor,
Sat and scraped it over wicker.
Traveled through a leafy forest,
Became a lovely budding florist.
I guess we'd like to imagine,
That at church she sits still as satin.
There's no need to play the sleuth.
As her mother, I know the truth.
When crayons and marker dot her gown,
I greet with a smile, instead of a frown.
Ask me why I didn't purchase a dress,
With a cleaning regime that requires less?
Do you see how much fun we're having,
Not restrained by useless tagging.
Dry clean only. I'm not sorry to say,
This dress has been through worse, and that's okay.
Funny how clothing can be a liar.
Laughing, I put it in the washer and dryer.
It's not that I don't care,
If it was leather I would beware.
But you see my daughter's dresses,
Have been through worse messes.
She's rolled down grassy hills,
Pirated ships with an Iron will.
Played the vicious Steampunk victor,
Sat and scraped it over wicker.
Traveled through a leafy forest,
Became a lovely budding florist.
I guess we'd like to imagine,
That at church she sits still as satin.
There's no need to play the sleuth.
As her mother, I know the truth.
When crayons and marker dot her gown,
I greet with a smile, instead of a frown.
Ask me why I didn't purchase a dress,
With a cleaning regime that requires less?
Do you see how much fun we're having,
Not restrained by useless tagging.
Dry clean only. I'm not sorry to say,
This dress has been through worse, and that's okay.
Cuddles in the Night
Startled awake, darkness all around,
Listening to the wails of the terrified bound.
The night consumes me, my heart racing,
Trembling, scared, alone, fear I'm facing.
Furry arms wrap around my torso,
Lifting me, consuming me ever closer!
Then comes the rhythmic creaking,
The torturous sounds of siren bleating.
The wails have stopped, the siren song replaces,
I slip into this monsters' embraces,
The rocking creaking fades from my eardrums,
I blink and my mind is filled with wisdom.
Lying here, in my soft crib bed,
My furry blanket by my head.
From the window cascades morning light,
I know my mom loves me, when we cuddle at night.
Listening to the wails of the terrified bound.
The night consumes me, my heart racing,
Trembling, scared, alone, fear I'm facing.
Furry arms wrap around my torso,
Lifting me, consuming me ever closer!
Then comes the rhythmic creaking,
The torturous sounds of siren bleating.
The wails have stopped, the siren song replaces,
I slip into this monsters' embraces,
The rocking creaking fades from my eardrums,
I blink and my mind is filled with wisdom.
Lying here, in my soft crib bed,
My furry blanket by my head.
From the window cascades morning light,
I know my mom loves me, when we cuddle at night.
Nail Clippers
I have nail clippers.
They stay in my purse,
for when my nails need a clip, of course.
Wait...no. Now I remember!
They're in the bathroom,
Used before the kids bath when they needed a groom.
No? hmm... yeah...
My husband used them last night,
For crusted toe nails before he turned off the light.
Oh look!
It's my daughter's nail polish box.
Clip your nails, paint, then put on your socks?
No... well... uh...
Are they on the living room floor?
Or perhaps they beelined under the door?
Got it! I know.
This time for sure.
Nail-clippers are for sale at the grocery store!
They stay in my purse,
for when my nails need a clip, of course.
Wait...no. Now I remember!
They're in the bathroom,
Used before the kids bath when they needed a groom.
No? hmm... yeah...
My husband used them last night,
For crusted toe nails before he turned off the light.
Oh look!
It's my daughter's nail polish box.
Clip your nails, paint, then put on your socks?
No... well... uh...
Are they on the living room floor?
Or perhaps they beelined under the door?
Got it! I know.
This time for sure.
Nail-clippers are for sale at the grocery store!
I am the great and powerful OZ!
Pay no attention to the blog behind this post... uh... I can fix it...
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